Holidays in Another Dimension with Disney
Her downy white head nods, with almost imperceptible frequency, visible just above the top of the couch.
Below her chin, a blue bony hand pokes from the sleeve of two sweaters. Maintaining a motionless grip, she holds three warm blankets up to her neck.
Entranced by her TV, it’s no matter that VHS tracking stripes flip and garble her picture every few minutes. Still, she remains pleased to watch her Disney movies over and over in succession. It made her daily routine.
A bit of spittle slips from the corner of her gentle smile until the bowl of vegetable soup arrives. In a delayed reaction, eyes still fixed on the TV, the soup smell elicits a grimace. She mutters, “icky frick”.
As the movie continues, her expression softens back to pleasure. I ladle small spoonfuls of soup into her now lax mouth.
Gazing into the box of VHS tapes, on this precious weekend of peace between jobs, I conjure this memory. A memory that never happened.
The beautiful sight of my elderly mother, in a caregiving eventuality that would never be.
Oh how she smiled one day, her tapes nearby. She succumbed to the ploy of Disney “opening the vault” every few months, releasing a backlog movie on to VHS. They assured that if you didn’t buy it now, you would never see it again.
“Pooh Baby,” she said, as she accumulated the tapes. “When I’m old, just prop me up on a pillow and play these for me. That will be all I need to fade away into my demented oblivion. Drool might come out of my mouth. And I won’t know what I’m saying. But I will be contented, with a big smirk on my face.”
Ah, she laughed with red-blotched cheeks. A giggle ending in a deep chortle, then a high sigh. This was her old age senility plan. And it brought us joy.
There were at least 2 problems with this. First, cancer stole her too soon. Second, nary a VHS player would still exist by the time she became “senile”. Neither problem was foreseen.
Soon, my overthinking brain adds a third problem: what about a VHS tape rewinder, the necessary tool to keep the movies running with no delay, endlessly? Well, good luck finding one of those.
And so this box remains, a time capsule in my house. Some tapes sit in the original wrappers, never opened or watched. Saved for senility, perhaps now my own. Or waiting for service in another dimension where circumstances are different.
Meanwhile, technology marches on in its villainous way, where perpetual format change means Disney asks you to pay over and over again for the same films. The passing years reveal the farce of their “closing vault”.
As holiday snow now flits past my window, downy as her head of hair, a moment of clarity arrives. Hang on to them tight, as if the only heaven is on earth, in the people for which you care.
You may sacrifice your time, your freedom. Sometimes your happiness. But what I wouldn’t give now to give. To exist in that place where caring for dying flesh is the one true virtue. Where the blessed masquerades as the horrendous.
Be there. Be there for them in their most awful moment. Because one day you might find yourself pining for this horror over another… and realizing how blessed you are.
Wishing you happiness and health this holiday season and always, to you and the loved ones you serve.
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